


Why Don't You Love Me?

by undermyumbreon



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Relationship Problems, Sad Ending, Self-Hatred, Unreliable Narrator, because no matter how much I like/love a ship I love the angst more, featuring a Beyonce song, if you ship/like Zimbits you may want to pass on this one unless you love ANGST like me, self-hating narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-20 12:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16137527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undermyumbreon/pseuds/undermyumbreon
Summary: Bitty's attempt to relieve the stress he's feeling from his relationship with Jack turns into an internal look at himself.





	Why Don't You Love Me?

     Bitty was infuriated. He was beyond done. He threw his phone onto his bed and watched it bounce once before landing on its screen. The last text he had read had been from Jack, and _boy_ , had it pissed him off. The words, “ _Why can’t you just be independent for once?_ ” burned in his mind.  
     Every day that had gone by during this fall semester made Bitty realize how unenjoyable it was to talk to Jack. Bitty would find himself purposely dawdling to return a text message to his boyfriend because he was afraid of what it would lead to. He never knew if another fight was brewing beneath the pixelated screen. With school and hockey captain commitments in full swing for Bitty, it was easy to make excuses for any disjointed conversations. Jack was busy most of the time anyway with his training and games. Bitty didn’t even remember when they last had a Skype call.  
     Bitty’s housemates were gathered downstairs in the living room. Chowder had put the Sharks game on television. It was the once in a blue moon spectacle when a professional hockey match enraptured the entire Haus into a several hours long viewing session. There must have been either a bet going on or the game was close in score because Bitty could hear a mix of whooping and groaning travel all the way up the stairs, through his closed door, and into his room. On other days, this situation was a nightmare. Bitty called it a miracle this time.  
     When Bitty needed an immediate escape from reality, he engaged in the stress relieving art of unscripted dance to loud music. During middle school and high school, he would shake off all his worries by creating impromptu dances to focus his mind on more pleasant things. The Haus' shouting would fortunately drown out any noise coming from Bitty’s doing. He knew times were bad when he needed to resort to this method of distraction. They must have been really bad now. He hadn’t done this since before his high school senior finals.  
     The phone’s audio was cranked up to maximum volume. The song of choice began to play. It was Beyoncé’s “Why Don’t You Love Me,” a classic for all the boys that Bitty had adored, but never received true affection back from. He never thought that he’d play this song while with Jack, but _oh honey_ , was he in the mood to be dramatic-  
_“Now, now, now, honey_  
_You better sit down and look around_  
_'Cause you must've bumped yo' head_  
_And I love you enough to talk some sense back into you, baby_  
_I'd hate to see you come home- me, the kids, and the dog is gone-”_  
      Bitty started mouthing the words as he slowly remembered how the lyrics went. It had been so long since he’d jammed out to this song. He aimlessly swung his body around in the center of his room as he pretended to be the woeful singer. Bitty imagined himself with a baby on his hip, a suitcase in the other hand, and a dog on a leash beside him. Oh, Jack was going to regret what he had said to him.  
_“Check my credentials_  
_I give you everything you want, everything you need_  
_Even your friends say I'm a good woman-”_  
      Yes, Jack! Even the Falcs say I'm a good wo- err- man- a good person nonetheless! Why must you call me clingy instead?  
          _“All I need to know is why_  
_Why don't you love me?_  
_Tell me, baby, why don't you love me_  
_When I make me so damn easy to love?”_  
      So easy Jack, so easy. Why don't you love me? I don’t ask for much except for your attention. I’m flexible. You know I’d change anything about myself to make you happy.  
          _“And why don't you need me?_  
_Tell me, baby, why don't you need me_  
_When I make me so damn easy to need?”_  
     For everything we've been through, why don't you need me, Jack? _Honey_? Why have you stopped coming to me when you get anxious? Isn’t my presence enough to help you anymore?  
     Bitty prepared himself for the first rundown of reality checks in the song. He got fully into character as he moved his legs and arms to the beat. The sounds of his housemates faded into oblivion.  
_“I got beauty, I got class_  
_I got style and I got ass_  
_And you don't even care to care-”_  
     Beauty? Perhaps. Ass? Definitely not. He lets his somber front fall for a moment and laughed at his flat figure. Jack’s never made much note about it, or any of Bitty’s features for that matter. At least, not anymore.  
_“I even put money in the bank account_  
_Don't have to ask no one to help me out_  
_You don't even notice that-”_  
      Well, Bitty wasn’t the one with money. Jack was well endowed, even if he weren't playing professionally. Bitty was on scholarship. He and his parents had to file for financial support for college. Bitty really had no spare cash of his own to splurge on his boyfriend for gifts or dates.  
_“Why don't you love me?_  
_Tell me, baby, why don't you love me_  
_When I make me so damn easy to love?_  
_And why don't you need me?_  
_Tell me, baby, why don't you need me_  
_When I make me so damn easy to need?”_  
      Bitty shimmied his back down against the wall with one hand over his heart, the other on his forehead. Jack Lawrence Zimmerman, why don’t you ask for phone calls anymore? Why don’t you need me to say sweet words to you before your big games? Why don’t you need me to come to them to support you?  
          _“I got beauty, I got heart_  
          _Keep my head in them books, I'm sharp_  
          _But you don't care to know I'm smart-”_  
      Heart? Definitely. I’m always here to hold you, Jack. Smarts? Bitty knew he was average in comparison to his college peers. Sometimes, his assignments were too complex and he’d become stressed to the point of procrastination. It was a topic of many arguments between him and Jack. Jack said he couldn’t always be there to help Bitty study, but Jack was the only tutor that he had ever liked. That frustrated Jack to no end, so Bitty avoided talking about his classes all together.  
          _“I got moves in your bedroom_  
          _Keep you happy with the nasty things I do_  
          _But you don't seem to be in tune-”_  
      Bitty’s movements slowed. The last time they had made love, it was just as Beyoncé had described it. It was awkward and void of the tenderness Bitty had grown to love. Jack hadn’t cuddled him afterword like he usually did. He had been upset that Bitty had pushed himself into a situation he wasn’t comfortable with. _Again_. Jack had been completely encased in rage.  
      The chorus washed over Bitty once more. He stopped moving completely. He simply stood still in the middle of his room. Bitty’s head hung low, his gaze on the rug below his feet. It was getting blurry. He could hear the chaos coming from a floor below again.  
          _“There's nothing not to love about me_  
          _No, no, there's nothing not to love about me_  
          _No, no, there's nothing not to love about me-”_  
      Was there anything to love? No matter how much he changed, Jack wasn’t interested. Did Bitty ever even have anything worthy to offer to Jack in the first place?  
          _“There's nothing not to need about me_  
          _I'm lovely-”_  
      I’m horrible.  
          _“There's nothing not to need about me (nothing not to need about me)_  
          _No, no, there's nothing not to love about me-”_  
      Bitty’s eyes grew hot and he covered them with his hands. He slumped to the floor.  
_“Baby you're just not the one_  
          _Maybe you're just plain_  
          _Dumb”_  
      Yeah... Bitty was just plain dumb. He was dancing around to a song thinking that he could relate to it. Thinking he was the one in trouble. Thinking he was one who was at the short end of the stick. In reality, Bitty was always trying to find a way to make up for what he lacked. No wonder they fought so much. Jack was just tired of carrying dead weight and finding a reason to keep doing so.  
  _Why don’t you love me?_  
      Because there truly was nothing to love in Bitty.


End file.
